Sex or romance? Or romantic sex? Or sexual romance? With growing use of online dating apps, it’s undeniable that ‘One Night Stands’ and the ever famous ‘Hook Up’ culture have become prevalent. Be it on movies, music videos, and many other cultural products, we can observe how such concepts as ‘One Night Stands’, ‘Friends with Benefits’, and ‘F*ck Buddies’ have creeped into the norm.
Of course, for some, the practice is controversial. One’s often criticised for being open about their choice of One Night Stands. Many assume this whole concept – sleeping with a stranger whom you’ve just met and pretending a strangeness the next time you ‘accidentally’ bump into them – is immoral and unacceptable. People also label women who do this with labels like ‘Sl*t’ and ‘Wh*re’.
These ideas may hold some water, if we are to police morality: But one’s decisions on how they want to live their life should be personal, as long as they don’t disrupt the outside world. Some traditional norms are now ‘outdated’ for reasons. These norms just prohibit people from the ‘fun’ that they’d deep down like to have.
Yet, there’s nothing too shameful if you consider yourself a ‘Preacher’ of the concept. Although hopeless romantics out there detest ‘One Night Stands’ or ‘Having No Strings Attached’, and claim that they want to find ‘the right person’ and do the ‘thing’ at the ‘right moment’, there are already many around and among us who have confessed how physical pleasure from sex, to them, has become just an ordinary routine that doesn’t cost any form of emotional attachment.
With you, I want to look at (and destroy) three interesting anti-Hook-Up arguments.
1. One of us will fall
Some believe that an excuse to not have ‘Friends with Benefits’ is merely because someone will end up falling for another. Though this idea maybe largely stereotypical of what the famous movie “Friends with Benefits” depicts, it’s just a myth that we have to debunk. When we decide to embark on this whole ‘No Strings Attached’ path, we shouldn’t expect anything in return, be it emotional support or a ‘shoulder’ to cry on. Unless you’re willing to do so in bed. There’s a reason why it’s called ‘No Strings Attached’ and not ‘Heart Strings Attached’; ‘One Night Stand’ rather than the ‘First Night Stand’; ‘Friends with Benefits’ and not ‘Friends with Love’.
A student from our UNMC, John Doe* said:
It’s funny how some people are willing to torture themselves by not exploring the fun side of what FwB offers. If one of you fall for another, find another friend.
Hence, to say that one shouldn’t practise this because of the fear of falling in love is just to prohibit someone who might actually gain a lot of benefits from having a Friend with Benefits. One also has to bear in mind what Dua Lipa once said:
If You Are Under Him, You Ain’t Getting Over Him.
If you think you’re falling for ‘Him’ or ‘Her’, that is, if ‘love’ really ever happens, perhaps you need to show them where the exit door is, not your bedroom’s.
2. Finding The Right One
Another typical reason why some stay away from finding a partner for physical pleasure is due to this old theory of ‘Finding the Right Person’ or ‘Waiting for the Right Time’. With all due respect to those who have the similar ideal, it’s interesting to see how someone’s willing to let go of the present for an uncertain future. In Western fairy tales, we often see how ‘True Love’ works and how the Princess always finds her Prince Charming. Bollywood movies introduce to us the flawed concept of “Someone right for you is waiting for you out there.”
My take on this is rather simple. Do you really want to risk your present for a future that may not even come true? Imagine waiting for the ‘right one’ for the next ten years of your life, and then realising how they might not even be the ‘right person’. And all you’ll have to do is find a random kissable human and convince yourself and the rest of the world that they’re the ‘right person’ whom you’ve been waiting for all this while.
It sounds promising!
Is love still a thing? Source: psych2go.net
3. The Infamous Label: F*ckboy
The rise of the ‘hook up’ culture successfully gave birth to many F*ckboys out there. Or as we call them. This term usually puts men (who hook and hook and hook) in a negative light. It denotes that F*ckboys are “The worst kind of guy, or at least one who represents the worst trend of the present moment.”
Indeed, always enjoying ‘One Night Stands’, it’s surely quite absurd for anyone to assume that he’s only going to be sleeping with one woman. Thus, when a man sleeps around, not thinking about any manner of emotional investment, we call him a ‘heartless’ F*ckboy who just wants sex.
The bigger picture here is, what’s wrong in being someone who just wants physical pleasure? Some believe that a proper romantic relationship comes with a lot of drama, headaches, unnecessary quarrels: It consumes a lot of energy, time, and effort. No? On the other hand, meeting a stranger and hooking up with them do seem like an easier option out. It involves less commitment. It often leads to great ‘outcomes’. So being someone who’s only ‘In’ for sex shouldn’t need to be a taboo, as long as there’s a mutual consensus that both of the bed partners are in it just for the temporary physical desire which sexual intercourse can fulfil. Then may the cycle continue.
After all, this era has witnessed numerous, massive, rapid changes in different activities and areas, thanks to globalisation, digitalisation, and new technologies. Sex and desire have gradually become a popular topic in the public, between friends, between lovers, and even within literature and literary studies. Perhaps it’s also the time, then, to stop condemning those who openly practise this type of relationship, even if we don’t want to do what they do.
What you stand for may not be exactly the same with what another person would want to do in life. If you choose to be someone who wants to explore your bedroom skills only after marriage or after finding the ‘right one’ (if they even exist), then it’s perfectly fine. But don’t discriminate or be judgmental towards those who’re trying to figure themselves out, have fun, experiment, and gain experience, before ‘settling down’ for good. It’s about time to stop being afraid of the F*ckboy labelling and stand firm on what you believe in.
Because at the end of the day, you may only live once. And sleeping with many with consent isn’t really harmful. Just remember to stay protected!
Written by Dinesh Jayabalan
Featured image from amazonaws.com
*This is a pseudonym. The person whom the writer befriends prefers anonymity.
Views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the positions of IGNITE.